Parenting Decoded podcast #6: Tantrums and Calm Down TIme Remember you are modeling (to an extremely observant sponge!) problem-solving and the way to deal with things that don't go the way we want them to. I highly recommend that you use my expanded approach to tantrums that covers all the way from toddler through teenage years: CALM DOWN TIME. Be careful not to overreact just because you are tired or the child has been having a rough day. You decide if that's a few minutes, an hour,a day or a week depending on age and severity of the problem.Įven very young children can understand the word 'no'. The toy that was thrown, goes into a basket/closet/away for a set period. So we will sit on the step for 2 minutes and then we will put away the toy.' Then you do that, and allow them to select another toy.

Little kids need a timeout with the caregiver, so it isn't truly timeout.

For the more mature, I prefer that they lose a privilege. I prefer redirection and/or rewards to timeout, for young kids 4 and under. 'I'll put you in time out!' is often heard as a threat. I think that most parents and children see timeout as punitive. At this young age they will not learn and remember as quickly if they can't count on you reacting exactly the same each time you work with them on a new pattern or behavior. Whatever you do, be very, very consistent. It doesn't seem until age 3 or 4 when they are purposefully engaging in bad behavior to the degree that we have to provide a punishment that discourages the behavior. Particularly at that young age we prefer to talk to them, and we will only remove them from the situation only if we've told them not to perform the bad action and they continue to do so. However, time-outs are further up on the scale of escalation for my family. Time-outs can be effective at very young ages. hit her baby brother and I'm not sure she really will understand the concept of time-out yet.Ĭhildren may not understand action-consequence explicitly, but children as young as one can and do learn sign languages that get them rewards, so they are certainly capable of learning that hitting a person results in them being set on the stairs, and getting up from the stairs without permission results in them being put on the stairs again.

The stairs thing is simply because our time-outs are on the bottom step of the stairs, and there's little point in making time-outs dangerous. The fact that the consequence (having her arms held) relates to the action (using her arms improperly to hit) will help her connect the dots.Īt what age can you start giving time-outs?Įach of my children have been different, but I've started giving time-outs from the time they can go up and down stairs safely and understand simple three word instructions, which has typically happened before 2 years old.

This is a logical consequence for hitting implemented by you - your daughter hits, you prevent her from using her arms for a enough seconds to seem like eternity to a toddler. If your child manages to hit her brother anyway then wrap her in a big bear hug and say, 'I know that you, but I can't let you do that.' Then hold your child as described in this excellent answer on ending hitting. Here is a further example of one way to set limits when it comes to hitting. It is critical, as this blog post explains. 'I can't let you hit your baby brother.' Do not underestimate the power of simply consistently setting and enforcing limits here. 'Gentle touching only!' If you know your child won't listen than physically prevent your child from hitting if you can. If you see your child about to hit, then first use a verbal command. Love and Logic also has some ideas for logical consequences among other things. Magda Gerber also recommended this approach. Terry Brazleton suggests this in his Discipline: the Brazleton Way - here is a small summary of this thoughts on discipline. ( source).įor toddlers many developmental experts recommend natural consequences rather than or along with timeouts. Sears recommends starting time out at 18 months and expects that toddlers will understand it by 2.

Language development usually signals the development of memory and the understanding required to 'get' time out. Somewhere between two and three years of age toddlers develop the ability to connect the idea of time out as consequence. Because your child probably doesn't understand sitting still at such a young age, it may be more appropriate to provide a 'time in' where you sit with your child as calmly hold them until they calm down. A time out for the under-2 year old is designed to provide a calming moment. While you can give a child as young as 12 months a time out, at that age the time out serves more to give your child a moment to calm down rather than as a consequence for bad behavior. As far as I understand it, when time outs become appropriate depends on what you are looking for from the time out.

Time out for kids for 18 mths